Genesis 22:1-19 tells the story of the testing of Abraham. God called on him to sacrifice his only son as an offering. Anyone that has read this story knows how it ends: God sends an angel to stop Abraham. It is important to note, though, that God doesn't stop him at the beginning of the test.
He didn't stop him after Abraham agreed to sacrifice his beloved son, or when he traveled three days to get to the place of sacrifice, or when Isaac questioned where the lamb was for the offering (how hard that must have been for Abraham to answer that question); He didn't stop him as he tied up and laid on an altar his only son. God only stopped him when he raised the knife to follow through with the deed. Sometimes when we are tested, it is not a quick thing. God is not looking to see if you will just say the words and agree, but He wants to know if you will carry out the actions required of you, if you will be ready to do as He requires, even if it will cause you pain. That is what I have been going through the past few days.
God laid it on my heart to confess a past sin publicly. Even though He didn't have to, He also told me the reasons that this was required of me. I wanted to obey God, but this was going to hurt me; I had to decide how much I trusted God. I decided to move forward and do what He required. But first, I had to travel my three days as Abraham did. I had to prepare, and take steps to make the sacrifice. I sought counsel from other Christian women in my life. The general consensus was the same: I was forgiven and I didn't have to do this, but when I told them that God was calling me to, they told me that if God wanted this from me, that I should do it. I prayed for courage and strength. A lot. A whole lot.
At every turn, God confirmed that this is what He wanted from me: to confess my sin to the whole world. Then I started receiving counsel from others who told me that I shouldn't do this, that this wasn't the right thing to do. And so I asked God, and He repeated that this was required of me. And so the third day of my journey came, and I started the confession. I told many family members and friends privately so that they would not be shocked when I posted it for all the world to see. They deserved to hear it from me. I made every preparation, and was fully committed to obeying God. And then, just as He did with Abraham, God stopped me.
I received a phone call from my uncle, and he told me that God laid it on his heart to give me a message: Let it go, I am forgiven, there is no need for this. At this point, I was almost a little too stubborn; I was so used to people telling me to think before I did this, that it would negatively affect my testimony, that this would negatively affect me. Don't get me wrong, the people telling me these things weren't wrong; they were telling me what God was telling them to. All of the things said to me were for God's purpose, and for my test. But I was hearing God's voice loud and clear telling me to do this, and so I had quickly gotten very stubborn about it; I was going to go through with this no matter what. It never occurred to me that God would be the one telling me to stop. And so I again insisted that this was something that I was supposed to do, and this is where everything changed. God had given my uncle a message to give me, and my uncle was going to get me to hear it whether I wanted to or not.
I could hear the emotion and frustration in his voice as he tried to get through to me that God was telling me I didn't have to do this; when I could tell he was getting desperate to make me understand, it slowed me down because I didn't want to upset him. I looked for something to say that would comfort him, give him some hope that I was hearing him without my agreeing to not do something that God had told me to. And I found myself, out of nowhere, talking about a long forgotten bible story from my youth, something I had not thought about or talked about for years. I told him that maybe this was like Abraham being tested; maybe this wasn't about my actually confessing, but about my being willing to trust God and confess. As I said the words, it started to sink in that God put those words in my heart and mouth; they certainly didn't come from me. I was relieved, but hesitant. I didn't want to say that this came from God if it was only my subconscious trying to get out of doing something that I didn't want to do. And so I did what I always do when I need to work something out in my head: I called my momma.
As I was telling her what had happened, she said that the same thing had occurred to her; that was when I first truly thought that maybe God was telling me to stop. And so I prayed, and I prayed hard. I told God that if I didn't have to do this, thank you, but that if this is what He required, that I would do it willingly with no worry for the consequences. And then I was silent, and I just listened. Waiting in the silence for God to speak was a powerful thing, but then a much more powerful thing happened. God answered me, and relieved me of this duty. As I type this, I am still close to tears with emotion.
As I am closing out this blog post, I want to stress two very important things. Firstly, I don't want to leave the false impression that, if God asks us to do something hard or that we don't want to do, we will be stopped before actually having to make the sacrifice. I don't want anyone to take from this that faith is all that is required of us; sometimes action is required as well. Sometimes the angel will stay our hand before the knife slices down, but sometimes we are required to make the cut. Secondly, I want to make sure that it is understood that nothing about this should raise me up in anyone's eyes. This faith, this action, this willingness to obey God, is all because of God. The sinful person that I was before being saved would never have been willing to do this. The person I was would have said that it wouldn't make me happy, so what was the point? The only reason that I was able to pass this test is because my heart is so full of God, that there was no doubt that I would obey, or that I would have the strength to do so.
I hope that this testimony will lift you up, and maybe encourage you if you are currently being tested. God will never have us to go through something we cannot handle with His help, and everything He does allow to happen is so that we can become closer to the person that He means for us to be, and live a life closer to the one that He wants for us. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.
I have started a new bible study today. It is The Resolution for Women. This is a based on the movie Courageous. I knew there was a men's bible study based on the movie, but I found a version for women at Lifeway yesterday, and it has a resolution for us to consider as well. I am very excited about this. What I read today was very good, and I am excited to read more tomorrow. I will be talking more about this in tomorrow's blog.
God bless, and talk to you tomorrow!
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