I have always had felt a deep need to fit in with the people around me. When I realized my fitting-in with the population in general was unlikely to happen I switched to trying to impress others. I don’t particularly like this need in myself and am working to rid myself of it but for now it is a very strong motivator in my life. I spend so much time trying to impress others instead of just living my life that I find myself forgetting why I am doing what I am doing sometimes. Is it because others think I should, because I think I should, or because God thinks I should?
The biggest negative to this behavior pattern is that it affects my witness for Christ. The way I describe my life to others is significantly altered when my conversations are rooted in the need to be praised. Because I want people to be impressed by me and to give me all the credit I have found myself editing out God’s part in all of the amazing changes in my life. One day I was having a conversation at the gym and I told someone that I had gotten rid of my television and computer so that I wasn’t a couch potato because I wanted to get healthy. As soon as I heard myself say that I heard my brain scream “WHAT????”! The truth is I got rid of the television and computer because they were addictions for me and I wanted the focus of my life to be God. In fact, God demands that He be the focus of my life and He directly instructed me to get those things out of my life. And yet here I stood, so determined to have others by impressed by me that I completely edited God out of the equation and altered the heart of the story. Once I started paying attention to this habit I had developed I noticed that, when I told people the story of the changes in my life, I would tell different versions depending on who I was talking to and what reasoning would impress them the most.
Since the day God showed me what was happening I have had a specific prayer on repeat: God, let me be brave and honest when I tell people about why I am not the person I used to be. God is answering my prayer and is helping me to be mindful of those situations when I am tempted to take the credit for something that I didn’t do. Sure, I implemented the changes in my life, but ONLY at God’s direction and through His guidance.
The other day I was having the same conversation with a couple of people at the gym and they asked me what happened in my life to start all of the changes and I will admit that I was very tempted to take the credit again. Firstly, I am selfish and self-centered and like being praised and if I gave God the credit I wouldn’t get any. Secondly, once some people hear me start talking about how God has changed my life they start tuning me out and I love to share my story and talk to others. If they didn’t like my response the conversation might be over and I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to. I thought for a very brief second and decided to take the leap and go back to giving God the credit that He deserves. I told them the truth, that I got saved two years ago and the only reason that I got rid of those things, the only reason that I was in the gym, the only reason that I was alive that day to tell my story, was because of God. One person gave me a very strange look and seemed less than interested. The other person, however, was delighted. I found myself thinking that I had kept one at least. In the end though, after much thought, it doesn’t matter if everyone I tell the truth about God decides they aren’t interested in hearing my story or getting to know me. Matthew 5:16 says “Let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”. The bible doesn’t say for me to tell others about Jesus and my life so that I can be praised, popular, and happy. It says to tell others so that they can see God shining through me and give Him praise.
Not going to lie, that was one tough pill to swallow. It goes against my nature to let someone else have any credit for my life, no matter how well deserved. This is going to be something I have to work towards for a while, probably, but I want to make sure that my life is all about giving the glory to God and not myself.
Have a great weekend!
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