For What I Want To Do

I want to do the right thing. I want to be a good person, honest and helpful and kind. And yet...sometimes I do the wrong thing. I spend a good portion of my time trying to figure out how I can want so badly to do the right thing and still screw it up so often. In Romans 7:15 one of the most sold-out-to-Christ people ever, Paul, wrote these words expressing how he struggled with doing the right thing.

I have yet to find another verse that so clearly expresses how I feel in the moment when I want to do the right thing but find myself doing the wrong thing anyway. Recently, I made a mistake. I did something that was wrong and it didn't even occur to me that it was wrong while I was doing it. It wasn't until afterwards that I realized what I had done. Even worse, the thing that I did (if it was found out) had serious consequences.

My first thought was how to hide it so that no one would find out. I had already mentioned it to two people and my first instinct was to beg them not to tell anyone. I followed that instinct and pleaded with them, and they (being the nice people that they are) felt compelled to comfort me and reassure me that they would keep my secret. I felt an instant relief that my secret was safe. That relief didn't last long.

We have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit to guide us as we go through this life, to show us the straight path and to give us courage in time of temptation and trials. Less that 30 seconds after the relief I felt something point out that I was compounding an unintentional mistake with a deliberate sin. Worse still, I was dragging in two others and trying to force them into lying as well. The only good thing I did that afternoon was to listen to that voice. I pointed out that fact and told them that I wanted to own up to what I had done and confess willingly. No human prompted this, and it certainly wasn't what my deep-down selfish part wanted to do. This was purely the Spirit of God guiding me. The relief on their faces was huge. They wanted to do the right thing, and I guarantee they would have eventually been honest with the people that I had wronged.

I realize now that, had I not listened to the Spirit, I would have been found out anyway and I would have been branded the liar that I originally committed to be. Instead, because I chose to listen and obey, I was granted forgiveness and understanding from the ones that I had wronged and was viewed as an honest person who would do the right thing. That is all that want to be: an honest and Christ-like person, someone that people can see God's love and righteousness shining through. I have no righteousness on my own, only through God can I claim any good at all.

Doing the wrong thing comes more naturally to us. We have inherited a natural tendency to sin. Adam and Eve got the sin ball rolling but we eagerly follow suit. On this side of heaven, we are going to struggle. Our bodies will struggle, our minds will struggle, our hearts will struggle. God gave us the Holy Spirit to help guide us. Our instincts and wishes and wants can be wrong and can tempt us to do bad things. I need to remember to ask the Holy Spirit to lead me in all things. If I don’t listen to the Holy Spirit then I will end up trying to please the world and myself instead of God.

I have never been more grateful for the voice inside of me which is proof that God is not going to give up on me. God is still lovingly working on me because He loves me and I matter to Him. I am humbled and overwhelmed by that thought, and so very grateful.

Thanks for reading and I hope that you all have a great weekend!