This past Sunday morning, the message at my church service hit me hard, but it was nothing compared to Sunday night. The morning service was a light slap with kid gloves. The night service was a sucker punch to the gut, and I am so excited to share with you what God is teaching me and revealing to me about myself.
I have read Matthew 5:4 before, but I always assumed that the verse was talking about grief for a loss or having a hard time. When you think of like that, the verse is a balm to be used for every kind of hurt. But, as my pastor explained on Sunday night, that is not what this verse is talking about at all. And when you look at what it really refers too, this verse is less about comforting and more about teaching us the right way to repent for our behavior.
The sorrow in this verse is limited to the people who are mourning because of their sin. This is not a worldly sorrow, this is a Godly grief. Sorrow without a Godly reference has no blessings. If we are simply sorrowful because we are caught sinning, then we are not doing what is required of us as children of God. We should be sorrowful that we have sinned against a Holy God. We should not be repenting because of the consequences, either, for if we do that then we will go right back to our old behavior because there is no true repentance.
I came to understand is that some of the things that I am going through right now are consequences of my past behavior. I have been praying for God to help me with these issues, but the truth is that God has forgiven me my sin and is helping with His word and His guidance, but that does not mean I am free from the consequences of past choices. The fact that I am no longer married, that I am lonely without a partner to love and cherish, is my fault. That is reality. I chose not to follow God, and not to treat my marriage vows with the respect that they deserved. Now, I am not saying that is why all marriages fall apart, just mine. And we can debate whether or not it was a good thing that my marriage fell apart all day long, but I am facing the consequences of my past behaviors. I am also facing the daily struggle not to pick up another cigarette or have another drink, all because I chose to pick them up in the first place and awaken an addiction in myself that I would not have had to contend with had I followed God.
The other thing that I wanted to talk about is a little off topic, but stems from something my pastor said, and is equally important. He said "Our altars should be full of people repenting" and as he said that I looked around and realized something very important: How can our altars be full of people falling on their face before God and repenting so that they can be closer to Him if THE PEOPLE AREN'T IN GOD'S HOUSE WHERE THE ALTARS ARE? This night, the house of the Lord was practically empty, just a handful of people. God was speaking very powerfully through Bro. Howard, and so many weren't there to hear it.
I am so guilty of this. I can't help it when I have to work, but what about the other times? Not that I don't have good excuses, but now that I am truly looking at them, I am beginning to realize that no excuse is good enough for me to miss being in the Lord's house on the Lord's day. Not "I'm so tired" or "I have laundry to catch up on" or "I have to work tomorrow and need to get things done". Those were my favorite ones to fall-back on. So I guess no more excuses for me: if those doors are open and I am free from work or obligations, I will be there.
Thanks for reading this post, and I look forward to tomorrow!
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