He Is My Fortress

I love this blog. I love the freedom that it gives me to share my testimony with others, and talk about all of the wonderful things that God is doing in my life. Spiritually, physically, and emotionally my life is being transformed right in front of me. No, not right in front of me. All around me. As I look behind me at my past, I am seeing my behaviors and actions in a totally different light. As I look to the side of me, I am seeing my present and the people in it very differently. Everything is changing, and I love sharing that here with you.

However, it has come to my attention that the infrequency of my blog makes it harder for people to follow, and harder to catch on to. Unless you want to go back and read the last two posts every time I add a new one, you aren't getting the cohesive story that I am trying to give. Because I am living this life it feels like one big long story to me, but for some who are trying to follow my story, it feels choppy and hard to follow. So....I am going to change the rules of this blog. 

Instead of strictly talking about the spiritual lesson that I have just currently learned, I will be adding in other parts of my life so that I can post at least once every couple of days. HOWEVER, it is important to stress that I am only able to do this because God is touching every part of my life. Anything I talk about will be based on how God is changing my life. The heart of this blog isn't changing, just the format. I truly feel like my whole story should be shared, not just the pieces that I think are huge. Maybe by doing it this way, you will be able to get a fuller view of all the amazing things that God is doing in my life. So here we go....

I am currently doing an amazing bible study, recommended to me by pastor's wife, called Praying God's Word by Beth Moore. I think the reason this study is helping me so much is because I have always felt kind of silly praying. Even though I want to talk to God, and want to have a deep and meaningful conversation with Him, I often find my mind wondering to other things. I felt odd just talking. For many reasons, my prayer life was not getting off the ground, and I was missing out on so many good things because of it. I wanted to have that closeness with God, but found myself unable to without some help. And whoa-boy is this study helping! It has already deepened my understanding of prayer, and of God, and I am only done with the introduction and the first chapter. 

I love that she is incorporating bible verses into prayer, and I think having them written down is really helpful to me. I am a very visual person, and having them right in front of me is helping me to focus on Who I am talking to. I have even taken to writing down what I want to say to God and posting that on my wall to read during my prayer time. I find my prayer time is getting longer, and that I am feeling more connected to God in it. My prayer area wall is quickly becoming covered by paper. I think I might need to devote a whole room to this if this prayer-obsession keeps going! Not a bad thing...

I wanted to share with you two things she said in her book that really touched me this weekend. 

• The most monumental leap we take towards freedom is the leap to our knees – acknowledging the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
• The most giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our lives. He IS our life.

The other really big thing that is happening in my life is that I am finally taking my sobriety more seriously. I haven't not had a drink since August, but I am finding myself struggling more and more with keeping it that way. On my bad days, I miss the fun and oblivion that drinking to the point of unconsciousness offered. And that's how I remember it: fun and relaxing. However, I know that is not how it really was. How it really was is embarrassing, humiliating, dangerous, and counter-productive. I won't go in to the gory details, because I am not totally comfortable in talking about all of them yet, but trust me: it was the opposite of fun. I just had a really screwed up idea of what fun was. 

Thanks for reading and have a great day!