My Rock, My Fortress, My Deliverer

I love Toby Mac's song "Changed Forever" for a lot of reasons. The biggest reason is because it keeps fresh in my mind the changes that have come about it my life, and it reminds me that all the changes came from Him, and none from me. Sure, I have determination and a deep desire to make the changes needed in my life, but that determination and desire, and the strength required, all come from God. One of my favorite words in that song is a totally made up word: change-reaction. It's like chain-reaction, only the Christian version. Now, normally a made up word would drive me nuts (English major here), but this word so perfectly describes my life in the past six months that I can't be offended by it. There have been so many positive changes, but they all stem from the fact that, six months ago today (almost to the hour of the time I am writing this) the Lord grabbed ahold of my heart, body, and life and rocked the very foundation of what my life was built upon. He gave me a new foundation, and a beautiful new life full of joy. I have said all of these things before, repeatedly, and hopefully will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I hope that there never comes a time when I am calm about the changes that God has brought about in my life. Okay, had to gush a little (lot) about what God has done, now I can move on to what He is teaching me right now.

I have been studying Christian conflict resolution. The bible tells me that I can not avoid all conflict while living in the world. John 16:33 says "These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. in the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." The words "shall have tribulation" doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room, and I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE conflict. I do everything I can to avoid it. In the past, when I couldn't avoid it, I typically reacted with guilt, blame, anger, rage, so on and so forth. Now that I am a Christian, as with every other area of my life, I am reevaluating the way I deal. The bible has some pretty good rules for dealing with conflict. I have been studying this for weeks, so I could probably make this post four or five pages long, but I think I will spare you all of that and just give you the highlights of what God is showing me. 

The biggest thing I have come to understand is that the true source of conflict is our sin and selfishness. James 4:1 says "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?". While I can't do anything about other people's attitudes and actions, I can control the way I see things and react to them. I can try to let God's thoughts and actions influence mine. Even if I become more Christ-like in my actions, I think I should have a plan for how to deal with conflict when it comes my way. And here we go...

1. Go before God to get His perspective on the conflict. God sees things differently than I do, and He reacts to things differently, and to respond the way He would wish, I need to seek His will first. Isaiah 55:8 says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.".
2. Remember that God is bigger than the problem. 
3. Take a look at my sin and responsibility for the situation. Look for my selfishness, and find my wrong in the conflict. Own it, repent for it, correct it.
4. Pledge my commitment to a resolution. Romans 12:18 says "if it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.".
5. Pray for myself and my dealings in the conflict. Psalms 129:23-24 says "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.".
6. Prepare before I attempt to go to the person to resolve the conflict. Proverbs 16:21 says "The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning.".
7. Be completely honest when in discussion with the other person. Proverbs 12:17 says "he that speaketh truth sheweth forth righteousness: but a false witness deceit.". 
8. Act in the "opposite" spirit. If the other person is stingy, be generous. If they are mean, be kind. Return love for hatred and prayers for persecution. Romans 12:17 and Matthew 5:38-44 speak to this matter. This one really got to me. It takes the idea of turn the other cheek to a whole new level. When it says "as for the one who wants to sue you and take away your shirt, let him have your coat as well" that speaks to me. This goes far beyond just being nice. The bible is basically saying that it is better to lose the battle and act in a Christian manner, even if you are right. It's not about being right or wrong, it is about being Christ-like. This wasn't a metaphor. We should be willing to give up anything to be Christ-like, whether it be physical items or an emotional win when you know you are right. Ouch. And ouch. 
9. Permit total forgiveness. Collossians 3:13-14 says "Forbearing one another, if any man have a quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.". The bible doesn't speak to just letting things hit an impasse, or agreeing to disagree, it says to forgive completely as Christ did. That's one I am going to have to work on. 

A couple other things that stuck out at me while I was studying this: 

• I should not confront someone when my motive is purely my own rights, not the benefit of the other person. (Phillipians 2:3-4)
• Sometimes it is better to be cheated than to win and have strife in the Christian family. (1 Corinthians 6:7)
• Sometimes others will harden their hearts and refuse to resolve a conflict. It is not my job to control how other people behave, it is my job to make sure my behavior pleases the Lord. God does not measure success in terms of results, but in terms of faithful obedience. 
• If the other person won't listen, resolve not to give up on finding a biblical solution. Just because the Christian method did not work with the other person does NOT mean I am free to try the secular route. 

At the end of the day, if nothing else works, the bible offers one more option, one more thing to try. It is the ultimate weapon against sin and strife: deliberate, focused love. I'm not going to have a lot of time and energy to fight with someone if I focus all of my time and energy on loving them. 

Sorry, I know this is long, but God has really taught me some cool things, and I wanted to share them with you. TTFN!