Forgive As The Lord Forgave You

I have never been very good at forgiveness. My specialty is holding a grudge, and I am a champion at it. I can play the victim very well because I naturally feel like a victim. To the way that my eyes/brain see it, I wasn't blessed with the natural beauty, smarts, or ease with people that others around me were. And once I decided that I had been dealt a bad hand, well, if I was going to be the worst in the room then I was going to be the best at being worst. And so I developed my skills at being the victim, at being unloving and unlovable, until it became so natural that it felt wrong to be anything else. As I have grown in my Christian walk, I have attempted to throw off those feelings, because I understand now that I am worth much more than I ever dreamed. I am a child of God, and He decided I was worth enough that He sent Jesus to save me. That makes me priceless. I am one of a kind, precious, and loved. I feel like that issue is resolving itself through prayer and bible study. Even though my feelings of victimization and my ability to forgive tie very closely together, the second issue appears to need more work. 

I have been wronged. We all have. That seems to be an inevitable part of life. Because we are human, no matter how good our intentions are and how much we want to do the right thing, we are going to hurt others. That means that I am going to be hurt by others, and now that I am a Christian I need to decide how God wants me to deal with those hurts. Somehow, I don't think that sulking angry and hurt in a corner while making sure the person who hurt me knows how awful they are is the way that I should be going. Doesn't feel very Christian, so I decided to research God's idea of forgiveness today. 

In the KJV of the bible, the word forgive appears 56 times, the word forgiven appears 42 times, and the word forgiveness appears 7 times. It is described in many different verses and parables. I think that the reason it is mentioned so many times is because this is such a hard concept to grasp. To look at it from a human standpoint, forgiveness has to be earned. If someone does something wrong to me, to be forgiven they must meet the following qualifications:  they must be sorry, they must never do it again, and most importantly you must want to forgive them. You should take the time to decide if you are ready to forgive. It would be even better if they were made to feel bad and punished for a while so that they could learn their lesson. However, I am quickly figuring out that is not how God sees forgiveness or how He intends it to be. 

If God forgave me the way that I forgive other people, I would be in real trouble. Big, gigantic, King Kong sized trouble. I forgive grudgingly, and only after I am SURE that the other person is sorry and has learned their lesson, and I feel that they have made it up to me. If that was how God forgave, then I would still be paying for the horrible wrongs that I have done to Him. I would never be able to make up for everything I have done. But that's not how He works, thank goodness. Once I repented and asked Him to forgive, He did just that: forgave me completely, holding nothing back, and totally forgetting every wrong I had ever done. He didn't dig the knife in a little deeper to make sure I got the point; He rejoiced that I had come home. He didn't eventually forgive me while warning me that He wasn't going to trust me to not sin again, so He wasn't going to forget. He didn't remind me subtly of who I used to be through His actions. So can I not do the same for others? If so much more has been forgiven me, can I not put away my pride so that I can pass on the feeling of grace that has been so freely given to me? 

Forgiveness, like love, is not always a feeling. Sometimes our emotions are strong, and can cause us to act towards others in ways that are not okay. When that happens, we have to make a decision to love, and forgive, the way God intends it to be: fully and without reservation, holding nothing back, and letting the wrong go. The greatest gift I have ever been given is the Lord's forgiveness and the freedom from judgement for my sins. Basically, even if my heart is hurting, and it feels like forgiveness is impossible, I have decided that I will wake up each day with a fresh decision to forgive, and to treat everyone with the same love and grace that I am blessed with. It's not complicated, it's forgiveness. It's love, the greatest commandment. Jesus set the example, and to fully realize God's plan for my life, I have to follow with all of my being. As I learn to forgive others, perhaps I will gain a greater understanding of the forgiveness that has been so generously been offered to me. 

God bless you, and thank you for reading.