Conflict In Spades

Conflict: to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; to clash.

I have never dealt well when I am having conflict with others. I don't know how to fight fair or honestly, and I never cared to try before. When I had an argument or disagreement with someone before I was saved I had one reaction: go full rage mode and do my best to cut them out of my life. Sometimes it lasted for only a few hours and then I made up with the person, other times I could refuse to speak with that person for months. I would walk around feeling victimized and righteous in my anger towards them. Sure, I was probably justified a few times in my upset, but I had my share of blame too...not that I ever cared to examine where I went wrong in situations. 

Since I became a Christian a couple of years ago I have been having less fights with the people around me, simply because the bone-deep rage that I used to live with has been replaced with the love of Christ. His love for me has become an ever-present companion, and because of that I have love in my heart for others. The few disagreements I have had with others in the last two years were short-lived and resolved themselves before I had to learn to deal with the situation in a Christian manner. To expect that to continue was unrealistic. Life is full of conflict, some healthy, some not so much...

This week conflict came to me in spades. It was messy and ugly, and it was with someone who is a major player in my life. I am now looking back at the situation and trying to figure out if I went wrong and, if so, where. The best that I can tell is that, upon meeting opposition, I reverted back to my old friends resentment and rebellion. This is about more than just fighting like an adult or being right/wrong. I am not trying to find justification or to have someone tell me that I am in the right. I am trying to figure out how to deal lovingly, firmly, and most important Christian-like in conflict. 

I checked out Acts 15:36-41 where Paul and Barnabas got into it over taking along a young man on their mission trip. Paul didn't want to because, on the last mission trip, that young man left midway through which showed a lack of commitment. Barnabas thought that he should get to go. The bible doesn't specify that one was right and one was wrong. It seemed to take no opinion on it which I thought was cool because that means the point isn't who was right, it was that conflict between believers doesn't have to be insane. As humans we are not always going to agree about decisions on how to live our lives but, as long as the way we want to live doesn't go against what the Lord commands in the bible, we can find a way to disagree respectfully and lovingly. 

So that is my goal now: to find a way to make my decisions and disagree with others without flipping my lid and behaving in a rash manner. This is about more than just this one conflict; life is going to keep throwing conflict at me and if I don't learn how to deal with other people in a Christ-like manner I am going to spend my whole life feeling guilty for hurting someone, resentful that I am being made to feel guilty, or jut beating my head against a emotional brick wall. I just want to respond like Jesus did when He came into conflict: honest and firm but full of love.

Not there yet, but I am working on it.