Rejoicing, Patient, and Continuing

If you know me from the world outside of my blog, then you know that I have been going through a rough time the past couple of weeks. I was sick, which triggered a bipolar down cycle. I had panic attacks and trouble functioning around people. It happens, but what made this time different was that I had no plan to deal with it. Before I was saved, I had a system for dealing with my down times, but some of those things do not mesh well with a Christian life and so I had to find a new plan of attack. It took me years to develop my coping skills, and this wasn't going to be easy or quick. To try to combat this, I have been researching bible verses about perseverance and how to keep going through trouble. 

The definition of perseverance: steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. The point: it was easy to be joyful and faithful while everything was going well for me, but now the road is getting rocky and I will have to rely on more than positive feelings to keep me faithful in my walk with God. So as I see it, I now have two choices. First option: I can cut myself a break, tell myself that I can't control my bipolar cycles (which is true), and give myself permission to fail on the days that I am not doing well. Sounds reasonable, doesn't it? I mean, I can't be too hard on myself, right? Problem is, when I reword that sentence to be bluntly honest in it's meaning, it sounds a little different. It's more like: I don't have to worry about doing a bible study if I am sad and don't think I can deal with it, I don't have to get out and exercise if I don't have the energy, I don't have to pray if my heart isn't in it, I don't have to be kind to others and show love if I am in a bad mood. Not so reasonable anymore, right? I didn't think so either, so I decided to look at my second option.

I love Facing the Giants. That movie is incredible, and I have watched it so many times I have memorized quite a bit of it. At lot of people say their favorite part of the movie is the "death crawl" scene. If you have seen it, you know the scene I am talking about. I have to admit, it is my favorite scene too. There are so many things you can take from that scene, but there is one thing that sticks with me every time I watch or think about that movie. When he is doing the death crawl, and it is starting to really hurt him, he tells the coach that it hurts. The coach's response: I know it hurts, you keep going, it's all heart from here. Then he says that it burns. The coach's response: Then let it burn. Then let it burn...four little words that make such a powerful statement. 

Sometimes I will hurt, and there is nothing I can do about that. The only choice I have is whether or not I am going to let that stop me. So what if my nerves are on edge? Let them be on edge! So what if I am tired? Let me be tired! That should not stop me from being faithful to God in my actions, nor should it stop me from continuing to live the full life that He has blessed me with. I may not be able to change how my bipolar disorder, or life in general, makes me feel sometimes but I can change how I react to it. I can stop reacting like a bitter, selfish person and can start trying to be more Christ-like. Basically, I can stop letting my bad days slow me down because God is still there on those days. No matter how I am emotionally, I still need to worship and follow God. 

There is a simple answer to this problem: persevere.   I know it is in me to persevere, I do it everyday. Everyone does. Even on the days we don't feel like getting out of bed, we still do. Even if we don't feel like going to work, we still do. No matter how good or bad life is, there are still moments where we have to convince ourselves to take the next step forward. So I have a new game plan, and it might be a little dorky, but I am a little dorky so it just might work. I made a morning and evening schedule that lists everything I should do in the order it should be done in. The first and last thing on the list for every day is to pray. Bible study is on there three times: morning, lunch, and night. Even on the days I just don't feel like it, I am going to do what God wants me to do anyway. I believe that this will be my ticket to getting through my down cycles, simply because it relies on God's way instead of my emotions. The bible warns us not to live by our own inconsistent emotions, but to live by God's word. Proverbs 3:5-6 states Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. 

Lesson for myself: the bible doesn't say to follow God when I am having a good day, or feel up to it; it simply says to follow God, and that is simply what I am going to do. Thank you for reading this, and letting me share with you the things God is teaching me. Until next time...