The past two weeks have been huge for me, with many milestones to celebrate. On August 4th, I had my one year salvation "birthday". For many years I let sin reign in my life, with no thought to the consequences. After I started truly thinking about where my decisions were going to get me, I figured I was so far gone that there was no way I could be redeemed. I thought that the only way to enjoy life was to do whatever gave me pleasure in that moment, and that is why I struggled so hard with depression and suicidal thoughts. When you are only living for the pleasure of the moment, and the moment that you are in contains no pleasure, then what is the point of living? Overwhelming sadness becomes a part of your daily life. Once I found the Lord, the immediate relief in my life was one of the most pure things I have ever felt. All of a sudden my questioning ceased: my life had meaning and purpose, and I was loved. My life is not perfect, no life is on earth is...but throughout all of the troubles that come my way I feel the presence of the Lord and I know that the important part is not that my life is perfect, but that I continue to strive to be Christ-like.
The second milestone for me was also on August 4th, and that was the day that marked me as one year sober. Over the years I self-treated my depression and pain with liquor. Once I started drinking, I didn't stop until I was sick or passed out, and even that didn't stop me for long. There were times when I would wake up the next morning with no memory of how I got to bed (if I made it that far). I drank to find oblivion, because feeling nothing was the only thing that helped me to get through each day. Instead of searching for God, I searched for the next bottle. The moment I was saved, I knew right off that I could never take another drink; to do so was to turn my back on the second life that God had granted me. As I grew as a Christian, I came to understand that I am an alcoholic. I had tried so many times before to stop drinking by my own power, but it wasn't until I surrendered to God that this addiction was conquered.
The third milestone is today: nicotine free for one year. This is just more proof that God can help me overcome all obstacles. I smoked constantly. If I wasn't working, it was rare to find me without a cigarette in my hand (on my days off I could smoke two packs in 24 hours). If I was working and wasn't where I was supposed to be, my coworkers knew they had to look no further than right outside the back door, where I would be stealing a few drags. Although some others might be able to control this habit, it was the other way around for me: the addiction controlled me. Once again, though, the Lord set me free.
As I sit here typing this, I am feeling an overwhelming gratefulness to God for all of the changes that He has brought about in my life. I am firmly convinced that, had I not given my life to Christ, I would be dead. I would have either given in to my despair and taken my own life, or I would have driven drunk and killed myself or someone else...there was no way I could have kept going the way I was much longer. Instead, I am sitting here full of joy, in a house that is free from addictions. I have truly become a new person, and I have a new life. To God be the glory!
