You Are Free Indeed!

I have tons of physical addictions. I am an alcoholic. I used to smoke at least 1 pack, sometimes 2 packs, of cigarettes a day. I could eat two whole pizzas by myself for one meal. I enjoyed finding physical affection with people that I didn't know very well, and had no intention of a permanent relationship with. Yep, I have my physical addictions, and they had a hold over me for many years. One of the best things about my life since I became a Christian was the freedom I have found from those addictions. Some moments are harder to get through than others, and some addictions have a stronger siren call than others. When I have had a long day, I want a drink. When I am stressed, I want a smoke. When I have a sad day, I want comfort food and lots of it. When I am lonely, I want companionship. As I have dealt with these over the past few months, I have found that the Lord gives me strength aplenty for all the physical temptations I face. It is a wonderful feeling to feel the Lord's strength as I face down things that have haunted and tormented me for years. Every now and again, though, one of these things rears it's ugly head and tries to knock me down. Most of the time, I am so consumed by my new relationship with Christ that it doesn't even slow me down, but sometimes, oh sometimes...

I talked to my fellow church members about some of these issues, and they are really helping my along. Sometimes it is through a kind word, other times through prayer, and sometimes through practical advice about their struggles. Mostly, though, it is when I talk to God that I find the greatest comfort. Up until this past week, I have found the attacks that satan has launched at me were mostly physical. I guess he got a little smarter and figured out that God had that one handled (not that I don't struggle, but I was learning through prayer and bible study how to deal better) because he went after a different part of me, and it didn't go so well. 

I have a little temper problem. It's a minor thing really. Sort of. Kinda. Well, okay, maybe it isn't a temper problem, it's more of an anger issue. But I don't get that angry all the time, just some of the time. Well, maybe anger isn't the right word, maybe rage is the word I am looking for. Yep, that sounds right. But a little rage every now and again doesn't hurt that much, does it? After all I am a pretty nice person most of the time, right? Are you still following my logic? Because I got lost a couple of blocks ago! I guess my new go to sin is going to be my anger. You wouldn't know it to look at me, or even to talk to me, but I can really fly off the handle over the smallest thing. Even if I am really really mad at someone, I can hide it pretty well. I let it fester and consume my heart, until my only thoughts toward that person is all the ways I could get revenge if I wanted to. It never really bothered me before. In fact, my hatred of several people made for good company. Except now the Lord is in my heart and He is the best company. So yesterday and today, when the rage took over, it was a battle inside of me and it wasn't pretty!

I'm not going to go in to who made me mad, and how many ways I dreamed of giving them an early shove to the afterlife, but it was bad. And there I was, on Christmas Eve, stuck with thoughts of anger and rage and wrath. I was a very ugly person for a while. Then the most amazing thing happened: I went to church. I was just dropping some things off, and it hit me that I was wasting the day away with my anger. I didn't want the hate inside of me anymore. The Lord promised me that He would get me through whatever temptations I faced, as long as I call on His name. So that is what I did: I went into the sanctuary, got on me knees, and prayed with a fervor that I couldn't have forced or made happen. It came from a desperate part of me, one that knew I couldn't handle this alone. Once I started praying that was it, I was in full confession mode. I cried, and begged, and repented, and asked for help. At one point I begged God to take the rage from me, and it was like a weight lifting off of me. I was so happy! 

I guess the lesson here is that freedom from our old selves has been promised to us, but only as long as we completely give ourselves to God. This is something that I will have to work on, I am sure, and I will probably fail and fall a few times before I completely get it. I just love the feeling of relief once I learn to give a problem to God, once I learn to trust Him instead of my own way of dealing with it. God is so good, He is slowly changing every part of me and helping me to live a more Christ-like life. 

I know this wasn't a traditional Christmas kind of message, but tonight God took a small battle in my life and showed me what it feels like to be free! Have a Merry Christmas! TTFN!

Let Them Ever Shout For Joy

Hello again everyone! I have had an extremely busy week, but a very happy and joyful one, and I just wanted to share a quick note about what is going on in my life. First of all, let me just say that I received the best compliment the other day, and I wanted to share it. One of my coworkers told me that she noticed that I was different. I thought she was talking about my waist size (I'm losing a lot of inches) and I said thanks. Then she told me that yes, she noticed the weight, but she was talking about the light that shined out of me. Oh yes, there is a light, and I love that people are seeing it shine. God is good, and He is bringing about a lot of positive changes in my life. I am glad that people are seeing more than the changes, they are seeing the reason behind them! 

Second, we had a singspiration at my church this past Sunday night, and it was an amazing thing to be a part of. While it is always wonderful to gather with my fellow believers and worship the Lord, this particular night held special meaning for me. I have always loved to sing. I was in choir from a very young age, and loved to sing specials when the church gathered. I know I have said this before, but I cannot stress enough how different everything is now that I am saved. When I sang for the church years ago, it was so that people would tell me how beautifully I sang. It was not for praise and worship. After all, why would I praise a God I didn't understand or truly follow? Sure, I understood the concept, and even believed I was doing the right thing, but I was so selfish and self-centered that I had no concept of true worship. Now that I do, and I am able to fully appreciate with all of my heart the words I am singing, it is a completely fresh and new experience for me and I am overwhelmed with it each time like it is the first time. 

The other thing I am truly able to enjoy this year is Christmas. It is no longer about the red/green color combo, the days off work because of the weather, and the shopping. It is about the beginning of grace, and I am constantly amazed by it. When I put up the tree and hung the nativity ornaments, it was a fresh reminder of why I am celebrating. I have never had a Christmas like this one, and every day is more exciting! I am actually....wait for it.... participating in decorating things down at work, and listening to Christmas music! I know, right? Anti-social me? Once my heart opened to God, it is amazing how many other wonderful things entered in, like love, peace, and joy. 

I have also been studying the bible quite a bit, and how it applies to me. I am in the middle of several very interesting bible studies that are helping me apply it to my life. I know that I am forgiven, but I am still working through some old issues, and I asked my pastors wife what I should do. Her answer, repeatedly, over and over and over again, has been to stay in the word. Honestly, I fought it at the beginning. I thought there was no way the answer could be that simple. Turns out I was wrong. Bible study, worship, prayer. Rinse and repeat. I am growing so much closer to the Lord, and so quickly. Here's a look at what I have been studying: 

1. Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst - For those of you who don't know, Lysa is the president of Proverbs 31 ministries, a website with a radio program and a daily devotional for women. This book is about how we crave food for emotional reasons, and what we are really looking for is God. When describing this book, Lysa says that lots of books talk about the "how to" of being healthy, but not the "want to". This is all about getting yourself spiritually and emotionally in sync with wanting a healthier lifestyle. My favorite thing so far is actually in the introduction. She talks about not being sure she should even write this book because she "is simply a Jesus girl on a journey to finding deeper motivation than just a number on a scale". 
2. Praying God's Word by Beth Moore - This book was actually a gift from a friend, and I am so excited to have started it! Basically, this book is about incorporating God's word in to your daily prayer life. To be more specific, it is about attacking the strongholds in your life with God's word. According to the book, a stronghold is "any argument or pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God; anything that pretends in our minds to be bigger than God". This can be anything from addictions, to lust, to rage. Because I am struggling with guilt over my past, and old habits that are dying hard, this book is really going to attack the heart of my issues, and help me resolve them with a combination of God's word and prayer. 
3. The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer, Alex Kendrick, and Stephen Kendrick - This book isn't for your typical New Years kind of resolution. Yep, this one is based off Courageous, and is written by the Kendrick brothers, and Priscilla Shirer. Name sound familiar? That's right, she is Elizabeth off War Room. I am again struck by something that she points out in the introduction. I am already a woman of resolutions, whether or not I realize it. Everyday, I am choosing to behave a certain way, treat people a certain way, and to stay committed to certain activities. This book is all about choosing how you will behave and treat people, and making a deep commitment and promise to God to follow through with it. I am hoping that this study will help make following God a normal part of my life. I know that I will always struggle, I am human after all; but if there is a way to make it more ingrained in myself to live my life the way God wants, then I will do my best to learn it. 

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this post. I love that I am able to witness for God! God bless you, Merry Christmas (back off, it's December, I can say it, LOL) and TTFN!